Vanity Vr5 by Jopen

When I first started seeing the new line of toys called Vanity by Jopen around the blogosphere, I got really excited - they looked like they'd be contenders for the established luxury lines such as LELO, Fun Factory, and Zini. Sure, they only came in purple (and an odd fuchsia purple, at that), but surely they could outperform their boring coloring? Right?

Well, as it turns out, yes and no. The Jopen Vr5 has some nice features, but they're overridden by a lot of little things that make the toy hard to use. The controls are very simple, which I actually enjoy - two buttons, one for the arm, one for the shaft. Click and hold to increase the power, and click it again to shut it off. Holding the button down while it's already on lets you increase the power even more without shutting it off. If you want a slower speed after being at a higher one, or you end up going a little too high, you do have to shut the toy off and try again as there's no way to back it down. I tend not to change speeds much when I masturbate, however if you like to start slow, go up, and then go down again you may find that particular feature very annoying.

The charge port was a little awkward for me at first. I saw from the diagram (I'd like to note that the diagram shows 'vibration 2' on the shaft when it should point to the clitoral arm.) that it was supposed to be on the back somewhere, but it's marked in the same color as the rest of the shaft with only a  raised circle so it's kind of incognito. It looked more like some sort of copyright mark than a port. That doesn't bother me so much as the fact that getting the plug into the actual charge port takes a little finagling - the little hole in the back of my Vr5 didn't seem to be lined up exactly over the port. So a little wriggling of the plug and "is this the right spot? No? Here?" and a hard shove got it charging. I was honestly a little worried I was going to break something, it took that much force... but the buttons lit up red while it was charging, and shut off to let me know when it was finished.

Speaking of the surface of the toy, though it does seem to be 100% silicone, it's not "virtually seamless" as claimed. There's a distinct seam running over the middle of the toy, all the way around. I assume it's from whatever molding process they use to create the halves. Happily enough, the seam is very soft - if trashy looking - and it doesn't bother me the way the seam and letters on my LELO Ella did.

A huge issue that I found the first time I turned the toy on was the incredible discrepancy between the type of vibrations in the clitoral arm and the shaft. I actually turned the shaft on first, and I was pleasantly surprised - eager, even. The vibrations are unabashedly strong, deep, thrummy, and delicious. They traveled pretty well along the shaft, but were mostly focused in the tip (more on how that ended up being annoying later). Powerful, but they didn't made the handle part vibrate so much my fingers would go numb. Clicking on the clitoral arm was all the more disappointing because of that initial excitement - the vibrations are powerful, in their way, but high pitched and buzzy. Disgustingly so. Almost like they were trying to mock me for thinking how wonderful it was that my hands wouldn't be going numb. Touching the clitoral attachment to my nose made my face itch and my eyes water - the vibrations were borderline numbing in their power. It boggles my mind that someone chose to skip a second motor with the deep power of the shaft.

As for the noise level... with all the power, there is quite a bit of noise. It's definitely louder than a fan on low, or quiet music. Letting it touch the bed while it's on makes the whole mattress reverberate with a metallic hum. Covering it up if you need to will require a good bit of surrounding sound - music with a steady beat at moderate volume, probably combined with a fan on a medium setting to be safe.  They aren't high pitched and squally, though, nor do they have that really nasty loud grinding sound some toys get.

 This is the arm at full extension, and it's really the only part that flexes.

The biggest issue I have though is that the toy is just so inflexible. The outer layer is velvety silicone, but it's a very thin covering over a rock hard body of mechanical parts. It's not just that it's hard - I've experimented with glass, metal, and of course hard plastic before,and even LELO's vibes are silicone over a hard body - but rabbit vibes have to work twice as hard as any "single use" toy to accommodate each person's individual anatomy. It makes no sense to me to make something that has only one really adjustable point: the clitoral arm. That little clit attachment does have a fairly good range of up and down reach, but it's short, so it won't actually reach very far out. That means (at least for me) it's impossible to have the internal vibrations hitting my g-spot and have the arm hit my clitoris.

The only way I can get the clitoral arm to reach the area I actually want it to is to fully insert the shaft of the toy. I can do that, the toy isn't so long that it smashes my cervix or anything, but... I completely lose the enjoyment I got from the shaft in the first place. Yes, I can still feel the vibrations, but they're kind of lost way back in the deepest part of my vagina. I want all that deep vibration up front, right on my g-spot and those super sensitive nerves at my entrance. It's maddening. I think if they'd focused the vibrations in the first bump of the shaft rather than the second, it would've made for a much more enjoyable experience.

Included charger and storage bag.

I've also heard that Jopen is a division of California Exotic Novelties - and I don't quite get why they tried to hide that. It's never mentioned anywhere on the box, or the Jopen website, but Babeland does list all their Jopen stuff under the C.E.N. tab. Perhaps they thought people had too many associations with cheap toys and trashy packaging to think they could do a luxury line? I don't know. They seem to be moving in the right direction, but for the price the Jopen line is going for I'd rather have something from Fun Factory or LELO, where I know the performance will be awesome and the toy will last for a long time.

The Jopen rabbits just seem to be far too anatomy dependent to risk buying without a bit of research. I honestly thought the Vr5 would be the best shape for me based on pictures and measurements... and it does come pretty close. But all those issues mentioned above just make me think it's going to be far too easy for someone to end up with a really expensive dud, especially if they don't know exactly what type of dual stimulator works for them.

I was given the Vr5 by Babeland as a test run, so it's currently not listed on their website. However, they do have three other Jopen models you can check out.